Thursday, May 30, 2013

A season of comparison.

There are times when I sit down to write a blog and it starts out fantastic but by the time I start to write about the deep topics, I falter. And tonight I realized that it's because I'm not meant to write about those things. Because there are times when I feel the words forming before I even comprehend them. That's how I know it's from God.

And tonight is one of those nights when the words just flow; a night where I'm writing what God wants me to. (I happen to love nights like these!!)

Tonight I met up with a dear friend from YWAM. We were in it together from the start and I thank God for her all the time. We spent a couple of hours in Panera (the best place everrrrr) catching up on what God has been doing in our lives and it was so refreshing. Through her stories I started to think about what has been happening in my own heart. And the theme of comparison kept bugging me.

I have been doing a bible study with some friends and we talked a little about comparison. A question came up like, "What have you been comparing yourself to lately?" something like that. Anyways, I wrote down the generic answer: looks, job, relationships, money, etc. But I wasn't getting at the core of it. I was floating on the surface.

It hit me tonight that I've been comparing myself to other people around me A LOT lately. So much so that I've been in tears over things that I don't have, that I can't do, and so on. It dawned on me: this is a HUGE way that Satan gets to me. He realizes that I may not be so confident in myself and he uses that to his advantage.

I see it in a lot of younger girls too. We are bombarded these days with beautiful pictures of celebrities, ads for weight loss programs, etc.; girls are constantly being told that they're not good enough unless they have the best clothes, perfect hair, and are dating all the perfect guys. (Just read about all the controversy surrounding Abercrombie. He flat out says they don't make clothes in XL and XXL because he doesn't like fat chicks. I'm sure there are girls hating themselves because of this! (Ps. if you are feeling bad about this, don't. He's not worth your time or tears. You are a beautiful child of God!!!))

And that is a lie! Lately, I have been buying into that lie. In fact, I've been telling myself those very lies. It's a really hard thing to realize. Because I could have been avoiding this hurt and those tears. I could have been enjoying life, yet I sit there and tell myself, "You're not pretty enough, you're fat, no one will love you unless you look like this, that picture of you looks horrible."

Honestly, that's been my thought process lately. And it wasn't until tonight that I realized that I'm the one doing that to myself. No one around me is telling me those things or making me feel that way, I'm choosing to feel that way. I bought into the lie of the enemy.

Comparison is a choice. You can sit there and tell yourself lie after lie about how you're not good enough compared to those around you. But it isn't until you're face to face with the reality that God loves YOU, that He chose you to be who you are, not anyone else, that you feel freedom. You can choose to be joyful in who you are.

I am choosing to rejoice in the fact that I'm not perfect! My hair gets super frizzy in this humidity (seriously though, super curls) and instead of telling myself that it looks horrible, I am going to choose to rejoice in the fact that I have curls!! I am not a size 0 and I will choose to rejoice in that instead of bringing myself down!
(This would be a great transition into self worth and I want to talk about that but it's late and this post is pretty long already so I'll save that for a next time : ) )

Until then, I'll say this: To whoever is reading this- you, yes you, are chosen by God. You are loved. You are precious. You are beautiful. God has created you and loves you with an everlasting love. He created you and has a perfect plan for your life that no one else can fulfill that. I think we all (myself included) need to start looking at ourselves how God sees us and not how the world sees us. We also need to start searching for HIS plan for our life- not the world's, the enemy's or even our own plan. Rest in the fact that you are beautiful, precious, amazing, worthy, and a child of God. And wow, does He have an amazing plan for your life.

And trust me, I'm reading those words and telling myself the same things. I am choosing this day to start rejoicing in who I am and who God created me to be. This season of comparison is over.

As always, it's all for Him,